Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize