fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
