her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
