Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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