No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I need a burrito and a hug.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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