I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
