guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
