I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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