i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have tasted many bathrooms
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
