Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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