Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
