i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
