I wish my penis had an off switch
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
