Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
