You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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