So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
