Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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