I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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