You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
