Can i not drive my cunt home
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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