Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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