So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
