We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
