Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
