when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My pussy is not your playground.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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