Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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