Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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