I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
