so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
