there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
