Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
