Don't you send me to vm
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize