Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
