accomplished twins. life is a go
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
