in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
