and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
