Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
