he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize