He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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