Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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