im drinking this country out of the recession.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
