Where is the hickey?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize