I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
