dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize