Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
