the condom got lost in my hair
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
