never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my being single is dangerous.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
