i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
