A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
