They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
