he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Someone signed my nipple.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
