Your favorite bartender is back from prision
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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