How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
