Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
