Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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