At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
