the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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