I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
