I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize