Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
