my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
