u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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