I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize