I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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