I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize