ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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